Prayer

Why can't I feel You?
You said You won't leave,
And yes I believe!
But why won't You come near?
Should I be in fear?
Did I displease You, my only Love?

What have I done to separate us?!
Examine my heart, and bring to light
All of the wrongs that have been done tonight.

I confess in my heart...
In the deepest places of me...
Forgive me, Your child...
For I know I am Redeemed.

I confess with my mouth...
Aloud for You to hear...
I know You are crying...
For me to repent...

Now, I am crying for you to draw near.
Forgive me, my God...
Make me righteous in Your eyes.
Give wisdom to this humble child...
I pray! I pray!

Father, please forgive me, I know not what I've done.
Please wash me and fill me with Your Holy, Precious Son.
I may not be the wisest, the strongest, or the bravest...
But I will be a light for Your glory, until all my days are gone.

Forgiveness is so sweet... surrendered at the throne.
My Jesus, My Jesus... Your Light has been shown.
Now, wash me and make me whiter than snow.
Yes, Lord, whiter than snow.

Life recently...

so, there have been some incredibly amazing things happen to me in the past two weeks. All since we got back from the beach. My life has taken a turn I did not see coming. When I dwell on it for too long, my mind starts coming up with crazy scenarios and I get so nervous I want to cry. But the possibilities are endless. and the truth of the matter is: that scares the crap out of me. My life will take an entirely different direction from where I thought God was wanting me to go. I was so sure that this is what He wanted, but now I'm not so sure. My mind is completely confused... I've been thinking too much. Tomorrow, however, will be a day that goes down in my history books. We'll see where God leads me. This honestly makes my cry... I can't believe it... why me? I am so unworthy... I don't deserve this... What do I do? I am so blessed. Jesus rocks my world... He still provides for me, even when I neglect Him. He is my only lover... others will come and go: they have. But He will never leave me! I am His beautiful bride! Someday... someday... :) Give me peace, Lord. All I want is you! "I am so in love with you! There is nothing else I choose! You've stolen my heart!"

Kelly

44 ODD Things about Me. :)

44 ODD Things about you!
Fill this out, learn 44 things about your friends, and let them learn 44 things about you!

1. Do you like Bleu Cheese?
mhm

2. Have you ever been drunk?
no

3. Do you own a gun?
no

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite?
Grape, Blue Raspberry

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
yes

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
they're not bad.

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
White Christmas

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Milk

9. Can you do push ups?
kinda

:)

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
eh, not a big jewelry person

11. Favorite hobby?
uhm.

12. Do you have A.D.D.?
yes

13. What's your favorite shoe?
flip-flops

14. Middle name?
Ann

15. Name 3 thoughts you have at this moment:
Meeting with Kristyn and Brian on 280 tonight, where do I want to eat, and one more thing...

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
water, tea, milk

17. Current worry?
test monday

18. Current hate right now?
noen

20. How did you bring in the New Year?
WORSHIPPING! :) It was amazing! :)

21. Where would you like to go?
Anywhere, really. :)

22. Name three people who will complete this?
idk

23. Do you own slippers?
no

24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
I have on a black dress-like shirt

5. Do you like sleeping on Satin sheets?
I'm sure I would.

26. Can you whistle?
yes

27. Favorite color?
purple

28. Would you be a pirate?
will Johnny Depp be there? ;)

29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I prefer singing in the car over singing in the shower.

30. Favorite Girl's Name?
Rebekah

31. Favorite boy's name?
Blake

32. What's in your pocket right now?
nothing

33. Last thing that made you laugh?
Brian. ha. :)

34. Best bed sheets as a child?
the flowery ones

35. Worst injury you've ever had as a child?
I went over a ramp on my bike and landed on my face. it was pretty bad.

36. Do you love where you live?
eh, it's not bad.

38. Who is your loudest friend?
I am pretty much the loudest of my friends

39. How many dogs do you have?
0

40. Does someone have a crush on you?
I don't know. you tell me.

41. What is your favorite book?
I love the books of Song of Solomon and James

42. What is your favorite candy?
kit kat bars

43. Favorite Sports Team?

ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE!

44. What song do you want played at your funeral?
haha, something CRUNK! :) :)

contemplative...

sometimes i feel like giving up.

sometimes i do give up.

only God could love me.

sinner that i am.

life is pointless without Him.

why live if God is not God of all gods?

if He were a god i could hold in my hands,

what good would He be as God? 

He is a God who holds me in His hands.

He is mighty and powerful.

majestic, filled with glory.

all glory, honor, power should go to Him.

He is my prayer in the desert.

He is my hope, my strength, my life.

Without Him i am nothing.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i cannot begin to describe how much i hate being ignored.

it pisses me off like nothing else can.

you call me names, act childish, be ridiculously stubborn.

that's fine. i'll get over it.

you ignore me... dude it's on.

when you ignore me, i take that as a sign of disrespect.

if you respect someone, you will listen to them.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i want Your heartbeat, Lord

i want to see the things you see

i need to see them

my heart cries out

Lord, Your compassion never fails.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

stubbornness.

honorable?

or selfish?

both, i say.

i'm stubborn in that i refuse to be like everyone else.

you know those northface jackets?

i will never own one of them.

why?

everyone has one.

i don't want to be like everyone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

compassion

the definition of compassion in the dictionary should be 

"Jesus"

that is the story of His life

i don't understand, how He did it

He died an ugly death for people who would hate Him

why would He do that?

He has compassion on man-kind

blows my mind

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i believe in giving everyone the benefit of the doubt

Christ gives second chances, third chances, fourth chances, etc

shouldn't i?

i refuse to make snap judgements based solely

on what i see on the surface

there is ALWAYS more than what meets the eye

i have learned from experience

who i am to act like i know everything?

ha. i am stupid

who am i?

kelly ann bean

insignificant

but loved.

and because i'm loved

i become significant 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Overloaded

Wrote this about 7 months ago. July 15, 2008.

when my world starts crashing in

and everything that is familiar to me dissapeares

when everyone just doesn't understand

everything that's important to me.

When I become overloaded...

all I can do is look to Jesus.

He is the calm in my storm.

He is the peace in this crazy world.

all I can do is fall on my knees and just simply trust Him...

Bursting with Joy.

if you just open your eyes, you'll see God in every thing that happens in your life. When you look for Him, you see His blessings EVERYWHERE! On my way to class today it was POURING rain. I prayed and asked God to stop the rain just long enough for me to walk to class without getting drenched. I also asked Him to open up a parking place CLOSE. Guess what? The rain stopped BEFORE I got there, and I spotted a place to park as I was driving up. I know you might be thinking, "Kelly, that's ridiculous." But I don't believe in coincidences, I believe that God can move this earth whichever way He pleases, and His timing is perfect for His children. :) I love my Jesus.

Late night thought.

I was thinking, "I don't understand..." What don't I understand? I don't understand how some people are so easily accepted and other's aren't. Why is it that the pretty face is soon everyone's best friend? What about the other girl? The girl with all the passion and authenticity, works her butt off, does her job, and does not always speak aloud her feelings, but is so eager to be a friend. Why is she always the last to form a friendship? And why do even those friendships have some distance in them? And that is what led to this: 

"Why should I even bother loving someone and showing them the love of Christ if I'm only going to be rejected? Why put myself through that?" God just gave me this simple answer. (He's cool like that). Look what Jesus went through. He knew He would be rejected. He knew who would accept Him as Lord and who wouldn't. That didn't stop Him. He still died on the cross: for the world, and for the men who hammered the nails into his hands and feet. He still loved them. He still reached out to them. He still died for them, knowing they would kill Him. 

Thought for the day.

This confu​ses me. Why do peopl​e care if Jessi​ca Simps​on gaine​d weigh​t or not. God forbi​d she actua​lly weigh​ anyth​ing.​ She has to be a tooth​pick.​ No wonde​r so many girls​ have eatin​g disor​ders.​ Stupi​d media​.​ Who cares​?​

Transparent.

*Transparency*

1/31/09

Look through the window. 

What do you see?

Bitterness.

Anger.

Pain.

Idiocy.

Shallowness.

Look again!

Tell me what do you see?!

Love.

Peace.

Joy.

Wisdom.

Profoundness.

Same window.

Different days.

Hypocritical?

Yes.

Isn't everyone?

Yes.

Is there judgement?

Hypocrite!

I look through the window!

I see the same things!

Don't you?

Me. You.

Exactly the same.

So look through my window.

What do you see?

A heart that is struggling.

Day in.

Day out.

Knows the Lord's love.

But ignores His commands.

Listens to the devil's whispers.

Falls into the trap.

Remembers her first love.

Falls in to embrace the Father.

Restoration in her heart.

Up and down.

My life.

Transparent.

For you to see.

Kelly Bean © 2008

What Awakens Passion in Me:

"Yesterday, December 7, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan."

- President Franklin D. Roosevelt -

"The time for compromise has now passed, and the South is determined to maintain her position, and make all who oppose her smell Southern powder and feel Southern steel."

- Jefferson Davis, Inaugural Speeach - February 16, 1861

"We may be annihilated, but we cannot be conquered."

-General Albert Sidney Johnston, CSA

September 11, 2009

The day the world stopped turning.

William Eisengrein, George Johnson, and Daniel McWilliams

This is hope, strength, bravery, and loyalty.

Indescribable

Alabama v. Auburn 2008

Crimson Victory 36-0

Glenn Coffee - 144 yard rush touchdown

"He gallops into the clash of arms. 

He mocks at fear, and is not frightened;

Nor does he turn back from the sword. The quiver rattles against him, 

the glittering spear and javelin. He devours the distance with fierceness and rage."

~Job 39:21-24~

And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free.

And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.

- Lee Greenwood

Vietnam Veteran's Memorial, Washington D.C.

Alabama v. Georgia 2008

Crimson Victory 26-23 OT

Glen Coffee

"O Lord my God, You are very great: 

You are clothed with honor and majesty...

You laid the foundations of the earth,

 so that it should not be moved forever."

Psalm 104:1,5

Precious.

Beauty.

Alabama v. Arkansas 2008 

Crimson Victory 41-38

But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; 

They shall mount up with wings like eagles, 

They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

You're the God of this city. You're the King of these people.

You're the Lord of this nation. - Greater things have yet to come. 

Great things are still to be done in this city!

You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea.

You belong with your love on your arm. You belong somewhere you feel free.

-Tom Petty

"Some people live an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference in the world,

Marines don't have that problem." - Ronald Reagan

Iwo Jima, WWII

Majesty.

When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, 

nor shall the flame scorch you.

~Isaiah 43:2~

Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 4:23

"This will be written for the generation to come, 

that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord."

~Psalm 102:18~

This Inspires Me.

~When God leads you to a cliff, trust Him fully. One of two things will happen: He will either catch you when you fall, or He will teach you how to fly.~

AOL Headline 1/8/09

Obama​ Issue​s Dire Warni​ng
Prepa​res Ameri​cans for the Futur​e
'​Could​ Becom​e Drama​tical​ly Worse​'​

hmm. I find this sligh​tly ironi​c,​ no?

anywh​o,​ "​Presi​dent-​elect​ Barac​k Obama​ warne​d of dire and lasti​ng conse​quenc​es if Congr​ess doesn​'​t pump unpre​ceden​ted dolla​rs into the econo​my"​

if I'm remem​berin​g corre​ctly,​ from my econo​mics class​,​ this won'​t help one littl​e bit.

What crack​s me up is this poll.​ I know these​ thing​s don'​t reall​y depic​t the actua​l opini​ons of a lot of Ameri​cans,​ but it does somew​hat portr​ay a small​ perce​ntage​ of their​ opini​ons.​

"How much faith​ do you have in the incom​ing Obama​ admin​istra​tion to turn the econo​my aroun​d?​
A lot 35%
A littl​e 34%
None at all 31%
Total​ Votes​:​ 218,​756"​

These​ are the peopl​e who voted​ him into offic​e to help our econo​my and their​ confi​dence​ in his abili​ty to do somet​hing about​ it is split​ 3 ways.​ We can round​ it off and say 33% for each group​.​ Reall​y?​ All that talk about​ how Barac​k Obama​ was going​ to "​save"​ our natio​n from it's horri​ble demis​e,​ and of these​ peopl​e who took this poll,​ we only have 33% who reall​y and truly​ think​ that he can fix the econo​my!​ Well.​ I've said it befor​e,​ and I'll say it again​.​ Ameri​cans are so dedgu​m fickl​e!​ We chang​e our minds​ every​ 5 minut​es.​ This is proof​ of it. It's also proof​ that Ameri​cans don'​t know anyth​ing about​ gover​nment​.​ It's proof​ that no one knows​ their​ const​ituti​on and their​ right​s as well as they think​ they do. It's proof​ that they would​ rathe​r have the gover​nment​ care for them - leadi​ng to a Socia​listi​c Ameri​ca.​ And they will blind​ly get there​.​ It's the blind​ leadi​ng the blind​.​ The few peopl​e who actua​lly know how our gover​nment​ is suppo​sed to run, tend to be Conse​rvati​ves.​ And every​one is fed with us! So no one will liste​n.​

Anywa​ys,​ thoug​ht I would​ post a littl​e comme​ntary​.​ =)

have a good day!
Kelly​

Randomness

Did Alice In Wonderland scare you when you were little? Cuz let's just say, that was not my favorite movie when I was little! =)

Hmm.

I have learned a lot about myself this year. I'm finally not ashamed of my candor. I am not afraid to speak up. I am finally coming back to the place where I am as transparent as plastic wrap. =) I have learned to not let people shove me back to second place. My ideas, talents, opinions... are worth being heard. I will no longer let myself fall into that pit where I become lost. Lost to myself. There is only one place where I am me. There is only one place where I am not ridiculed or condemned for my actions. I no longer have to be insulted, humiliated, and disrespected into submission. God didn't create me to become a mistake. He created me to become a conqueror. I have made my decision. I have chosen my path. Now, it's time to follow that path and see where God takes me on it. 2008 is the past. 2009 is now my present. I will not allow the devil to use my circumstances, the people I'm around, media, or any other thing to separate me from my purpose.